


changkyu | cheap beer & the new year

by plincess_cho (ai_hao)



Series: 잠들고 싶어 (In My Dream) | Changmin x Kyuhyun [11]
Category: DBSK | Tohoshinki | TVfXQ | TVXQ, Super Junior
Genre: Author: Ai, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-15
Updated: 2016-12-15
Packaged: 2018-09-08 16:31:24
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,877
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8852110
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ai_hao/pseuds/plincess_cho
Summary: Kyuhyun's not ready for 2017.





	

_Loneliness._

It’s a weird feeling that Kyuhyun rarely gets to experience on account of his constant schedules, large number of members, and frequent social commitments. Of course, there’s that slight _twinge_ of loneliness any time he sees a happy couple in public, that hollow feeling in his chest when he sees how truly happy his sister is with her new husband, and that sudden flash of panic when he’s sent up on stage without any of his members.

But for once, Kyuhyun is truly and utterly _alone._

He’s sitting on the floor by the window of the dorms, wrapped in a blanket and nursing a beer. The hyungs are either away on schedules or home with their families. Even the managers are out for the night with the same purposes. Minho’s in Japan, Changmin’s in the army, and inviting Junmyeon over to spend New Year’s with just him felt weird. His parents had invited him home for the holiday and he’d considered it, but in the end he had begged off. He’d seen met them the day before for dinner and figured that would suffice.

In some weird masochistic way, he relishes these rare moments of holiday loneliness. He looks out the window at the snowy streets below and just _knows_ that there are so many happy people wandering around, trying to soak up the last few moments of 2016 with the people they love. Kyuhyun sighs. A few years ago he would have given his right arm to be doing that very thing: wandering around the city with his lady on his arm, snow falling from the sky, and a New Year’s kiss waiting at midnight. But not tonight.

No, tonight he sits in the dorms, the nearly empty dorms, and thinks back on all the things that happened in 2016.

It had been an incredibly _weird_ year. For the first time in nearly a decade, there had been no Super Shows, no subunit activities, and hardly even any Super Junior activities. He’d spent most of his time promoting as Kyuhyun. As Kyuhyun the ballad singer, Kyuhyun the MC, or Kyuhyun the musical actor. The hyungs had either been busy, on ‘hiatus,’ or enlisted. Taking photos as a four-member band had been weird. Not being surrounded by constant noise and chaos had been weirder. And realizing that he won’t get to go back to the way things used to be for at least two years had been the weirdest.

_Enlistment._

If one more person asks him when he’s enlisting, Kyuhyun is going to scream. He has time. He has plenty of time. He knows most people wish the company had sent them all at once. There had even been moment where he had wished they’d all enlisted back in 2010 with Kangin. But that had been before he’d heard about the trials of military life.

“It’s not the drills and training that get to you,” Heechul had told him in between games. “It’s the _loneliness_.” Especially coming from a world filled with members and staffs and coordis and fans and so many _people_. “Everyone knows about you, but nobody really knows you. And since you’ll be enlisting alone…”

_Alone._

Kangin had gone alone. Heechul had gone alone. Leeteuk had gone alone. And now Ryeowook had gone alone as well. Kyuhyun tries to tell himself that he’ll be okay going alone. He makes friends easily, and dongsaengs are even easier to collect. But there’s that voice in the back of his head telling him that it won’t be that simple.

_You’re a celebrity. You can’t just make friends with everyday people. Not now. Everyone will just be waiting for you to screw up to prove their hatred for idols is justified._

Kyuhyun sighs. Changmin had said as much when they’d met for dinner. “I feel like everyone is constantly watching me,” he’d admitted, “just waiting for me to screw up. I’m not just a normal guy doing his service, and everyone knows that. I feel like I have to be on my guard constantly with no reprieve.”

For many celebrities, enlistment seems like a break, but Kyuhyun knows it won’t be that way. He knows it’ll be good to rest his voice, especially after the nodules scare from earlier that year, but he’s worried. He’s worried he’ll lose the vocal agility he’s perfected over the years. He’s worried he’ll forget the techniques he’d practiced with his coach. He’s worried that he’ll lose his dream of being a singer once again.

Kyuhyun pulls himself to his feet and pads across the hardwood floors to the refrigerator for another beer. It’s cheap beer that he’d bought on the way home from dinner with his parents. He should’ve brought the good stuff that he stores at his parents’, but tonight, he figures the cheap beer will help him wallow better.

Wallow in another year gone by, wallow in the memories of past sorrows, and wallow in fear of what the future will bring.

*

The snow continues to fall outside. The streetlights illuminate the streets below, and Kyuhyun watches the cars drive past. The sixth floor has a different view than the eleventh, and he’s still not quite used to it. Moving out of the eleventh floor had made sense, but he still misses his old room. The wine bottles lining one wall are the only things he’d set up after the move over a year ago. Everything else is in boxes or strewn around the dorm. The managers he lives with don’t care. After all, they’re home even less often than he is.

There’s a _beep beep beep_ as someone keys in the passcode to the front door. Kyuhyun doesn’t have the energy to attempt to hide his growing collection of beer bottles, so he stays as he is. With any luck, it’s just one of the managers running back to grab something before leaving again to celebrate with family and friends. Maybe they won’t see Kyuhyun wrapped in a blanket, drinking beer.

“Thought I’d find you here,” a familiar voice says with a low chuckle.

“What are you doing here?” Kyuhyun asks as Changmin plops down on the floor next to him. “I thought you were spending New Year’s with your parents.”

“I did,” Changmin replies. He reaches for a beer and pops it open. “But then they were going to a party that I didn’t want to be dragged to, so I figured I’d come over here to hang out with you.”

“How’d you know I’d be here?” Kyuhyun asks.

Changmin just laughs. “Really? I know everything about you, Kyuhyun,” he says. “And I happen to know that you have hidden masochistic tendencies that come out only during the holidays.”

“Fair,” Kyuhyun replies.

They talk idly for awhile, catching up on news from each other’s families. Changmin’s sister is close to getting engaged, Kyuhyun’s parents are planning a holiday abroad, and they both hope to see the other boy soon.

“Mom misses you a lot,” Kyuhyun says. “She says that next time you’re on holiday, you have to stop by.”

Changmin smiles. “I like your mom.”

“She likes you.”

Thanks to the beers he’d consumed before Changmin had arrived, Kyuhyun gets drunk well before Changmin. He leans against Changmin as he opens another beer.

“I don’t think I’m ready for the new year to come,” he admits. “I’m sure you’re excited to be discharged and start doing activities again. And to be with Yunho hyung again.”

“Yeah,” Changmin replies. “I really am.”

“Only a few more months,” Kyuhyun says. “A few more months and then you’ll be home and I’ll be gone.”

Changmin doesn’t try to bullshit him with pleasantries, and that Kyuhyun appreciates. Everyone had told the hyungs things like _It’s only twenty months!_ or _The time will fly by! Enlistment will be over before you know it_.

“Frankly,” Leeteuk had said, “I just wanted somebody to acknowledge that the days would crawl by and that those twenty months would be the longest months of my life. I didn’t want happiness and sunshine. I wanted someone to appreciate the severity of the situation I was in.”

Kyuhyun sighs. “It’s been… it’s been a hard year,” he says, his voice a loud whisper. “It’s like everything changed and I never had a chance to stop it. The hyungs leaving, the new schedules, and my vocal nodules…” He feels a lump welling in his throat. That had been one of the scariest moments of his life, wondering if after the three weeks of forced silence he’d be able to sing again without pain and injections. He’d written Changmin long letters about it, before the ache in his chest had grown stronger at the realization that Changmin was further away than ever, even when they were in the same country.

Before he realizes it, tears spill out of Kyuhyun’s eyes as all the pain and anxiety from the past year come bubbling back to the surface of his memories. Changmin listens patiently to the stories he’s heard before as his friend pours out fresh pain and hurt from days gone by. Changmin puts his arm around Kyuhyun’s shoulders and lets him cry. _It_ has _been a hard year,_ he thinks to himself, _for the both of us._

_*_

By the time the clock strikes midnight, both boys are properly drunk. Kyuhyun manages to turn on the television so they can watch the countdown on the news, and both boys drag themselves up onto the couch to watch. They huddle under blankets and lean against each other as the countdown winds down.

_Five, four, three, two, one… Happy New Year!_

The sound of fireworks exploding echoes in the distance, and Kyuhyun clanks his beer bottle against Changmin’s.

“Happy New Year,” he says, his words slurring slightly.

“Happy New Year,” Changmin replies.

“It’ll get better, right?” Kyuhyun asks, his voice wavering.

“Yes,” Changmin replies. “It will.”

And that’s enough for Kyuhyun.

*

Kyuhyun wakes up with a crick in his neck from sleeping on the couch and Changmin’s head nestled in his lap. His head buzzes with the hangover from the night before, and he vows to find some hangover soup to drink away his headache. He looks down at the sight of his best friend sleeping on his lap and can’t help but smile.

 _Oh Chwang._ He can always count on Changmin. He’s _always_ been able to count on Changmin. From texting him in distress from the Tokyo airport realizing he didn’t have a place to stay, only to have Changmin offer up the DBSK dorms; to calling him on Foresight pretending to be in trouble, only to have Changmin rush out of a filming to come rescue him; to knowing that he could talk to Changmin about anything and everything, knowing full well that Changmin would listen.

And now, he’s another month closer to enlistment, to a completely different future, and to finding out what lies ahead. It’s a terrifying thought, but he’s been through worse. Changmin’s been through worse. They’ve been through worse. But they’ve come out fine, and they’ll do it again.

So for now, he repositions himself on the couch and closes his eyes. The future will come quickly enough. Right now, he just wants to enjoy the present.


End file.
